And at the same time it’s hard to know, like we were saying earlier, if the guy is interested in you mostly because you’re foreign and the kind of status that that brings with it.
Rebecca: Actually I think that must be difficult for foreign guys especially.
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Finding love in the modern age is a tricky business for us ladies; there’s attractive profiles to create, emoticons to choose and the general deciphering of Tinder captions – ‘I feel how pizza tastes’… Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan.
Anthony: I’ve heard so many stories like that where people go on dates and it’s a weird, awkward situation but then later they message you as if it was the best date ever. I feel that Japanese men scare quite easily and as a foreigner you won’t know exactly what it was that freaked them out.
Chiara: Or if they don’t want to talk to you then there’s just silence. I’ve noticed that if I show a little too much enthusiasm or come across as too independent, that will trigger silence.
I had heard that Japanese guys tend to be intimidated by foreign women.’ Rebecca: My experience dating foreign guys here has been comparable to back home – so pretty awful actually – but the general picture of foreign guys in Japan is that they really want to date Japanese girls.Not to say that’s true for every foreign guy here but you do see a lot more couples made up of Japanese girls and non-Japanese guys around.In the name of research, Gaijin Pot got together three different women (UK, USA and Italy) to share their experiences of dating in Japan. Chiara: I thought that they didn’t find me attractive so I wasn’t really interested in Japanese guys, even though I was attracted to them.Rebecca: I wasn’t so attracted to Japanese men but now after living here for three years I would say I definitely am. Christa: I’ve always been attracted to Japanese men, even when I was young, so I did some research before I came here and I saw that generally they are interested but they’re very shy about approaching women so you may need to approach them.Rebecca: Yeah, it seems like back home dating is really much more frequent.I mean I think that people will go on lots and lots of dates, going in and out of relationships over their twenties and kind of assessing what they want before they settle down.Anthony: Is there really a casual dating culture here?It seems that Japanese couples move quickly into relationships, and very early on they’ll talk about marriage and kids.She even did it again just to double check and, nope…still nothing.But after they said goodbye and he messaged her saying he wanted to see her again so there’s obviously some kind of cultural dislocate there.