Loneliness differs from solitude in which one may be physically alone but has a sense of being deeply connected to others, appreciated and loved and is a response to a hurt or disappointment and there is significant denial and anger is associated with the hurt.In the experience of loneliness, the person does not feel closely bonded to others and usually does not feel loved.It is not resolved until uncovered and addressed and the memory "purified." Since loneliness is so painful and so difficult to face and address, many individuals deny its presence from their family background, from important significant relationships or from their marriage.This denial is accomplished primarily through the action of the intellect.A thorough history of the self-giving to romantic aspect of the marriage, to the marital friendship and to betrothed love, which includes, but is more than, sexual intimacy of each spouse is an essential aspect of the evaluation of a depressed spouse.In addition we regularly ask the spouse to rate himself/herself and the other spouse on the checklists which evaluate difficulties in marital self-giving in the evaluate your marriage chapter of this site.Loneliness can play a major role in the development of depressive illness.In the study of angry husbands the wives probably began to lose their ability to feel safe with their husbands, put up walls to protect themselves from the anger, experienced increased loneliness and then depression.
These are most often the result of significant disappointments and hurts in relationships and of weakness in one's personality.Please identify any of the following issues, which might apply to you or to your spouse or to a depressed spouse whom you know. The most common conflicts within the depressed spouse are loneliness, excessive worries and fears, unresolved anger, weaknesses in confidence, selfishness, work related conflicts, and unresolved family of origin loneliness.One study from Massachusetts General Hospital revealed that poorer relationships with siblings prior to age 20 and a family history of depression independently predicted both the occurrence of major depression and the frequency of use of mood-altering drugs by age 50. The most common marital conflicts leading to spousal depression in our clinical experience arise from having a spouse who is controlling, emotionally distant, angry and negative, selfish, faithless, overly responsible, insecure and who lacks balance in life.A 2011 study revealed that about one in 10 Americans aged 12 and over takes antidepressant medication.Antidepressants were the third most common prescription drug taken by Americans of all ages in 2005–2008 and the most frequently used by persons aged 18–44 years.It is important for couples to realize that, while marital love is very powerful and comforting, it cannot fill a void in the heart left by a lack of warmth, affirmation or love in a parental relationship or in important previous relationships.Unfortunately, family of origin or other non-marital emotional pain can confuse spouses who may mistakenly believe/feel that their marriage is the primary cause of their depression or that their spouse should be able to make them completely happy.Fortunately, in spite of the high divorce rate, many couples do report marital happiness. Social Forces 83:3) In my experience, many husbands would express similar views and might add being treated with respect, being appreciated and being trusted and not controlled.An important research study in 2006 of what makes women happy in their marriage revealed the following factors as important: (Wilcox, B. Let's now look at common causes of unhappiness and sadness in spouses arising from disappointments and hurts from within and from outside the marriage. Childhood sibling relationships as a predictor of major depression in adulthood: a 30-yearprospective study. Now whom do you identify as having the most emotional conflicts leading to sadness, your spouse or you?I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis )." Note that God did not tell Adam to find fulfillment in his work or in the pursuit of his own pleasures, but in the relationship with another person who would be a helper.In our view, God could have gone on at length in Genesis describing the many negative emotional, behavioral, cognitive, medical and spiritual difficulties caused by being alone.